Bro-vice

So you Bros might not know this but I'm not just a playa but a licensed "sexpert". Some Bros wrote me some problems so I'm responding now. Intoducing the newest column for...

DEAR BRO

Dear Bro, my wedding is approaching and I am desperate to impress my bride. What is appropriate groom's attire for a Labor Day nuptial?

Why you gotta get married you homo.


Dear Bro, is it okay to "manscape" down there?

Uhhhh, suriously? Bro, thats gross. I shaved my pubes into a lightning bolt. I put 2 cans of Ax Body spray on just on my shaft and exfoliate my balls every day. You might want to take notes. I have attached an artist rendering of you below, you need to step it up bro...




Send your problems to sanfranciscbros@gmail.com

Dane Cook is my Homeboy

If you haven't seen Harmful if swallowed then your a homo.

... here's how you know, that you're really drunk ... I figured it out ... when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time ... - Dane Cook

Bro so right on.

... Slip 'N Slide, yeah ... it would have been fun if Dad checked for rocks before he put it down ... Slip 'N Bleed From the Anus they should have called this ride ... - Dane Cook

Whoa soo fucking hilarious.

... Jesus Christ, Timmy ... don't float above me when I am dying in the abyss ... - Dane Cook

I got Bros in high places

Knock Knock!
Who's there?

uhhhhhhh. Dude it's JESUS.

bro, back in the day...

back in the day when a woody was a carf or surfboards.

i got frends in low places

bros always get sum.

Srsly bro, just frends.

yeah we love the sam eteam and drink 2gether and live in the same frat house (sigma chi bro.)


boat party friday night. just frends.

Broetry Corner

Prose for Bros:

N F L playoffs
divisional weekend games
beer bros cheerleaders

Dude

This guy sisn't really a Bro he's definitly more of a dude. But this dude is in my favorite band. Its a Slipknot cover band that used to be called Orgy of Solitude now its just the Vagina Monologues. I never saw either of those movies. I'm more into action flicks.

Touch

Thanks to the 2 Bros who voted for "touch" from Axe Bawdy Spray. The people have choosen.

This is Peanut my personal trainer. Hawtie.

BroTube

Heads up loosers. I've been putting some rad clips on YouTube. 12" coming soon... then maybe a record deal if you feelz me. j/k

Epic lunch, bros

Just like they make em in tj.


BurritBRO rollers.

bro.

You bros know what time it is?

Like funny ha ha but not like Dane Cook funny.

for the uneducated bros.

back in my frat days we only had dialup and AIM, new bros have it so easy.... just look at this google>ehow post. (click the pic)

"jaeger bomb:
This is a bitter sweet drink that's a great pick me up if you feel like it's going to be a long (that's what she said) night...or you just bro you want to have an awesome time__full brof A LOT of energy! and I absbrolutely can not stand the taste of Red Bull abrone, but with Jaegermeister...it's amazing! "



A GIRL POSTED IT, she duh knows how to please a man. Smilesmt you my gurl, just get yer juggs n' a over this way. [working on my rap career, totes]

Tailgating the BROse Bowl.

Drove 2 Cali from 'bamuHHHH [chest bump bro] WE WON!!!!!!!! I even got some freshman chick to leave her sorority and come along... shuld have brought two, three, or four-some!



came out in my truck, had a case of jaeger, redbull and had a kegerator rigged for the 'gate partay.



We partied after the game too, I was so drunk i even sucked on this ladies juggggzzz but I didn't give a damn, BAMA FOREVER BABY!

Avette Bros

These bros know how to keep it real. Makes me want to do the hellicpoter with my dong.

In the year Bro 2k+

Goals for this year.

1. take the jetskies out for more rad spins in the brocean
2. Stop nailing sluts with kids, gunts, cankles, camel toes, wedgies, veggies, and back boobs
3. get a new BMW X47-BroMW with flat screen TV and Fire place in the trunk. Pimp my ride bro. $$$$
   
4. work more on my glutes
5. drink more light beer and vodka tonics, my 6 pack looks mroe like a fat pack
6. witht he recession and all im only going to go to the tanning salon once a week
7. focus on my business... SOMA condBros for hella cheep
   
8. start my clothing line, its basically bedazzled pants pockets. hella fitted, its also to help bromote my rap career and production company.
   
9. move to the mish with that PHAT raise from the investment bank in the bronancial district. cash money bro$
   
10. stop and smell the Broses. you know we get so caught up in bro i forget sometimes how precious life is. every moment is a mirracle, like clouds and even fat chicks. i went to Funky Door Yoga the other day. Usually i do brolaties but thought i'd mix it up. the hella phat hunnie teaching had me really reach deep down to my inside bro. the core bro of my being. hella deep. i think i changed me. i can really feel my 3rd eye like straight to the dome.

Slipkorn ladies wer u at?

BROadhead + BROadtrip$z = total roadparty

totes drivin down the five lookin for some roadhed. fresbro ladies where u at? Stocktbro, modestbro, Bakersfield slipkorn ladies where u at? I dont mind a wine n dine, just come to the Jack In the box bafroom and thingz wil b jus fine. (that's what shesaid)

Hit me up soon, on my way to Newport beach in the brOC.

Epic.





bro.

Trouser-tent bro!

Trying to com up with a term for tha phenom in my pants right now, bro. Ordering my grande Carmel macchijavachipskimwith whipped not shaken but stirred latte at my favorite indie coffee shop in dogpatch (chicks are better than starsucks). Man-tent? Pantstent? All I know is this barsta chick is schmokin hotter than a campfire outside my man tent. We need to call 911 and get a firetru k to open the fire hydrant and put on the fiery furnaces (indie barsta chicks <3 them) so she can take on this man tent.

Man tent?
Pants tent?
Trouser tent?
U decide intha comments.

Bros helping Bros

Scene Broport - PB San Diego CaliBronia

Bro Nother Question

Is Lindsay Lohan a dude? I kinda think she's hot but I don't want to be a gay. Also I usualy stuff my junk with haines socks. Knee high. Duh. But for realz bro. I'm hella jelous of Lindsay Lohan's pecks. But she's a girl so never mind. I'm going to hit the gym. Golds bro.

Sexting

So whatz up?!?!?! Hottie or nottie?

Bro, For realz, questons

It's not gay if your wrestinling with a bro and you get a boner right? I was thikn about chicks wit big juggs.

tunes bro tun3s

bands that tre know the bro.

Captain & tenille

Belle & Sebastian

Hall & Broates

Hansen Bros

Zapp & Rogers

Allman bros band

Jonas Bros

Insan Clown Juggabros

Billy Broel

Pearl Jambros = subtil

Phishbros

Dane Matthews Bros

Sugar Broy

Check These Bros here

#15

WTF bro!?!?!?!?!

W've been here for like 2 days. Feelz like a year. I'mg ogint o celebrate with a couple Irish Car Bombs. I'll see you Bros at nicks crispy tacos tomorrow.

bin reading filosophy

An Excerpt from Brostoevskies:

the 'bros' karamazovsky

book five: Bro/Contra

[N]othing has ever been more insufferable for Bros than freedom!

Chapter 1 The Brongagement

Chapter 2 Smerdyakov with a Broitar

Chapter 3 The Brothers Make Friends

Chapter 4 Brobellion

Chapter 5 The Grand InquisiBro

Chapter 6 For Awhile a Very Broscure One

Chapter 7 It's Always Broth While Speaking to a Clever Bro

bro2k

Woah bro.

we r def comin up on 2010 = Bro2k+

Well I know we have hella lauhs. I know I doo. But lets get serious. I remember when I was graduating with my business degre a few years ago and my dad-bro asked what my goals were. That was 10 years ago. I told him I wanted PHAT pussy. But lets keep it Trill. Here is a list of goals for the next 10 years....

1. Get a PHAT condo in SOMA

2. Asian girlfriend with hella hot firends

3. New Stripe Shirts

4. A double Faux hawk

5. stop having so many abortions

6. find a condom that fits (I need both hands, its heavy)

7. Hang out with more black people

8. Persue my rap career

9. For realz dawg get my promotion label up and going. Talking PHAT partaz

10. trade in the za for more salads.

Broetry Corner

Bro-rap

Sung 2 311's hit "butterfly sugr baby"

Pussy Pussy cunt

doin bellie shots off your moms ass

she lookin so good got a 64 pack of corona

shes rockin to the bass

gettin back from the town of Bromona

takin off her thong

lookin for the song to play

she f@#$%^&ks like a dead fish

Pussy Pussy Cunt

[chorus repeats]

puttin on my jelly rubber

spray on tan stainin the sheets

doin it doggy stylie,

feelin her blubber

damn, this milf is beats

[chorus repeats]

we been dancin all night

grindin hella slutty bitches

her tube top is so tight

her ass got sexteen switches

yeahhhhh pussy.

just tryin something out, it's my justice D.A.N.C.E.

GET READY FOR THA CLUB MIX.....

check out my shop:

Vertigo is the Illest

Going to blow up your spot bro. This chick with the sweat juggs is my bros mom. We were doing belly shots of Jagger and things got treals. Here's the deets...

• 8 beer bongs
• 10 shots of jagger
• 17 Cornonas,
• 9 body shots
• 2 cans of Axe body spray*
• 1 can bronzer*

*I had to reapply a couple times because I was grinding on like 80 chicks.

coups Bro save monie!! AXE WASH!

coups Bro save monie!!

[follow instructs]

2. get some coups for :

Free Axe Body Wash at Walmart

Would have Bro'd me $15.52 but I got it FREE!

In Sundays Paper 4/5 they had a Bropon for $1 off any one AXE shower Gel or Detailer shower tool Bro. It was in the Unilever/ Valassis Coupon insert. Today while I was at Walmart I noticed they have trail sized for .97 cents each. Dude WTF. Being that the coupon said any size you can use them on trial size ! Yeah Trial size my ass! Making them free, I spoke with the manager to make sure I could use the coupon being that the coupon is 3 cents fuckin more than the item. He said it was fine. That Bro is hell a cool. Their corporate coupon policy does not say what their policy is, for an overage. Like WTF is a overge. Am I right or am I right Bros?!?! He is looking into it for me to get an answer in writing becuase he's my bitch. The coupon in good till June so you have plenty of time to find it in stock, and get them free! Axe Bro, Axe!

Update*** My readers have told me they also have them for the same price at Target

I personally do not need this, but I picked them up to Bronate. There are many Bros and poor people that also are in need of items like this.

• Tami

  April 10th, 2009 at 9:19 am

  How do you get so many with one coupon? Thanks!

• Lori

  April 10th, 2009 at 9:27 am

  This is a Unilever product, so the purchase works toward the $20 Bro rebate too!

• A Thrifty Mom

  April 10th, 2009 at 10:10 am

  It was not with one coupon…I had 16 separate Bropons.

• Jilene

  April 10th, 2009 at 1:17 pm

  Sarah, two questions for you. First, what is an RSS feed? Duh. and second, when you donate items, where do you take them. The garbage can? What are we poor or something? Thanks!

• Paige

  April 10th, 2009 at 3:36 pm

  LOVE to hear that you are planning to donate all of these… sometimes I wonder… why on Earth would you need THAT many of ‘Awesome Bro items’…. so THANKS for donating! I hope others do this too!

• A Thrifty Mom

  April 10th, 2009 at 5:31 pm

  We just got back from our donation run. stay tuned for the post Sarah will do. That chicks got hella jugs.
  

• Cassie

  April 10th, 2009 at 9:44 pm

  I think it’s great that you dontate becuase poor people can't do anything for themselves but I think it might be even better to wait until the coupon is closer to expire use it. That would give the people the doe of reality they need

• A Thrifty Mom

  April 10th, 2009 at 10:12 pm

  Cassie…they always go fast right after I post a deal….just give it a few weeks then everyone will forget about it and there will be plenty! It is good till June so you have a while to snag a great deal

• Suzanne Wells

  April 11th, 2009 at 6:29 am

  Excellent!! I haven’t heard this one yet – will check it out. I usually frot my tips with bleach. I was in Bloomies yesterday looking for the Olay soap that was supposed to be $1.97 (could get it free with the $2 off Olay coupon) but mine was still at $2.48. Gotta go check this out!My tips are super unfrosty bro!
  

  As for those who wonder why you would need so many – these are great for for teacher gifts (for men of course because we all know girls love shoes) or for the men in the family at Christmas time. And if you have a son who is not fond of showering, we all all know who that is, a fun new body wash sometimes gets them interested! Betches loves
  

  Thanks again for the tip! You Bros rawk.
  

• Lorie

  April 11th, 2009 at 11:35 am

  I just went to Target and they had plenty for the same price! I got some to put in my 72 big jug girls for my weenis (I only get 2 papers). Thanks for all your hints/tips/tricks to save and even get free stuff. Bro!!!!

• Lisa Fischer

  April 11th, 2009 at 7:55 pm

  Does the coupon work for beer at either Walmart or Target?

• A Thrifty Mom

  April 11th, 2009 at 9:10 pm

  My cashier was worried about it…. she had big jugs. she called the manager over…they checked the size of her jugs, they saw it all checked out and I did not have any trouble with it.

• Mommy Kennedy

  April 11th, 2009 at 9:21 pm

  Thanks for the info!

  will send my readers your way!
  http://thefrugalkennedys.blogspot.com

• Jason

  May 14th, 2009 at 11:10 am

  Where can I get the ladies now?

• Pam

  May 21st, 2009 at 6:13 pm

  I love your website thanks for all the help. Bro 4EVA!!!!!
  

3. bag that dude and move to Broakland, Brooklyn, santa barbro.
5. drive thru the burbs
9. check out the OG posters jugs:
http://athriftymom.com/2009/04/free-axe-body-wash-at-walmart/